Dude Brahs on a Ferry

For anyone that knows me in real life, mockery of “dude brahs” should be a very familiar subject. For the two new readers that just randomly came across this blog, “dude brahs” are those guys who never really got past their awful idiot frat guy stage.  As in, popped collar with a goofy haircut that requires far too much product, talking loudly on their cell phone, saying things like, “Dude, brah.  I’ll be there in 20.” 

Dude brahs rarely fail to absolutely make my day. Not only are they generally oblivious to how ridiculous they look/act, but they also tend to blunder through life in spectacular fashion.

Last night, I encountered three dude brahs that not only made my evening, but were so spectacular that they inspired me to write a blog post.

First, a picture.

When I first saw these three, I thought, “I wonder where they are going?  Maybe a big event in Seattle?” Then my friend Justin laughed and said, “No, they are totally planning on going into Seattle to get some action.”

Not wanting to judge too quickly (I know, unusual for me since I am a big-time judge-r), I decided to find a seat next to them on the ferry in order to find out if I was right or if Justin was right.

Within minutes of leaving the ferry terminal, it became painfully apparent that not only had Justin’s assessment been correct, but it was dead-on. Phrases like, “I’m going to go awesome myself up,” and “Red Bull and vodka is pretty much the best drink,” were uttered. A game plan was formed: “Tell you what, let’s hang around a bar near the ferry terminal and I’ll call some girls to see what’s up.” Contingency plans were considered: “So, like, do we want to get, like, two rooms or just one and, like, if one of us scores we just let the other guys know?” (I really wish that I were lying about any of this.)

They were in constant contact with their fellow dude brahs around the Sound: “Martens said that he just got approached by a guy who wanted to punch him in the face.” “Yeah, I’d love to see them try,” (insert fist bump here). Finally, a few words of caution were uttered: “Hey, as long as it’s not a Navy girl, you’re fine.”

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, another night-in-the-towner approached them and gave them some advice.  As a native to the Seattle area with an intimate knowledge of the nightlife scene, she told them what bars and clubs their attire would be best received in.  I believe the words she used were something akin to, “Yeah, that place has, like, plenty of girls (or guys) and dancing and stuff.  They’ll be all like, ‘Oh, you’re wearing some fancy suits!’ and you can be all, ‘Yeah, let’s dance,’ or something.” 

This brief encounter really made me question how we, as a species, have survived as long as we have.  Better yet, I wonder whether or not to believe that humans were able to actually beat out another species for survival.  I mean, how stupid did the Neanderthals have to be in order for early homo sapiens to beat them out in the race for survival?

The Sadness that is Free Online Dating

If you are one of the two or three readers of this blog, you will be familiar with my rants regarding online dating or just dating in general.  Don’t get me wrong; most days I don’t mind being single.  However, I am baffled as to how people meet potential significant others after college. 

After reading about how many relationships these days result from online dating sites, I thought I’d give it a whirl.  As a result, I despair for the future of humanity.  You may think that I am exaggerating, but I’m not.  I've discovered that the guys that I find particularly irritating fall into a few categories:

Inappropriate Age

Now at first I was skeptical, but then I thought that I might as well give this guy a chance and visited his profile.

...Only to discover that he's more than 20 years older than me.  He and my father could have grown up together....Thank you, but NO.

Guys THat cant spell gOoD (or grammer goodly....or punkshu8...)

Racist, Sexist, or Some Other Ist

To be clear, in case you are a new reader, I am half Japanese and half white.

Short and Not-So-Sweet (see also: Boring or Generic)

Kinda Awkward and/or Creepy

A Little Too Persistent

In Conclusion...

I'm done with online dating.  It was intriguing at first, amusing later, and ended up just making me sad in the end.  I feel like online dating is little more at this point than an indictment of education in America.  However, in the interest of full disclosure, I didn't bother using sites that require you to pay to use the site.  I wasn't THAT curious about online dating.  I do have at least three friends that I can think of off the top of my head who are currently dating someone that they met through a dating site like match.com or eHarmony. Maybe the lesson to take away here is that free dating sites are amusing, but less than useful, paid sites yield potentially better matches, and I should get more comfortable with my single status.

I'm an Ally

Today is the day that the Supreme Court of the United States of America decides on whether or not states can ban same sex marriage.  I have been a supporter of equal rights for my entire life and this is something that absolutely needs to happen. 

Normally I try to base my political opinions on economics, well-reasoned logic, and social justice.  I could go on and on about how so-called “gay marriage” or “same sex marriage” needs to be legal from any of these perspectives.  However, today I will tell you more about my personal journey and decision to support equal rights for all.

Sometimes I think that my 18-year-old self was far too wise for my own good.  When I graduated from high school, I made two announcements:

1.  I wanted a decade to myself. If I get married, I’m going to commit to that person forever.  Before that happens, I want a decade where I can be free to do anything I want without concern for how it might affect my partner. This doesn’t mean that I won’t date or consider getting married should the right person come along before then.  It just means that I know that once I make that commitment, it will be the last time that I can be selfish and think only of my own wants and desires.
2.  I didn’t want to get married until it was legal for everyone.  I was more than happy with the idea of a civil union since it is generally available to everyone.  However, I didn’t want to have rights just because of my gender or sexual orientation.  Now that it’s legal for people of all sexual orientations to get married in my state, I think that I may be able to comfortably say that one day I am open to the idea of marriage (unless, of course, SCOTUS decides that homosexual Americans are second class citizens in their decision later today).

I am not gay and have never to my knowledge been discriminated against due to my sexual orientation. However, this issue is something that I have deep and heartfelt feelings for. I am a product of a mixed race marriage.  Less than 50 years ago, people in the United States could not legally marry each other in at least 16 states if they were of different races or ethnicities.  Laws restricting marriage for mixed race couples in another 15 states weren’t repealed until between 1948-1967 when the Supreme Court ruled that anti-miscegenation laws are unconstitutional. 

My father is white and my mother is Japanese.  I’ve talked with people who never realized it was illegal for people of different races to marry at any time in the United States.  After thinking about it, they usually say that, “I guess that makes sense, given when that happened.”  This breaks my heart.  How can we forget the impact this had on people less than 50 years ago?

“Although there is no verse in the Bible that dogmatically says that races should not intermarry, the whole plan of God as He has dealt with the races down through the ages indicates that interracial marriage is not best for man.” (Bob Jones University, 1998...NO, SERIOUSLY! 1998!)

If it weren’t for the Supreme Court decision, I may not ever have come into existence.  In fact, there are a lot of people that wouldn’t be here today, including our President.  Yeah, did you forget that Barack Obama is mixed?  Some other notable individuals that are mixed include…Jason Momoa (Any Game of Thrones fans out there?  Yeah, this is the guy who plays Khal Drogo), Halle Berry (How many awards has this woman won, anyway?), Bill Richardson (Yes, the former Governor of New Mexico and presidential candidate), Lenny Kravitz (If you’ve never heard “Are You Gonna Go My Way,” we probably aren’t friends), and many, many others. 

For those readers that want me to spell out my point, here it is: We look back on the ban of mixed race marriages and generally think that allowing mixed race couples to marry was a good change (although this is not always the prevailing belief in certain areas or regions, it is the majority opinion in America).  Why is it any different for gay couples?  One day I hope that we will look back on this and wonder how it could have ever been (or continue to be) an issue.

For me, this issue is about not only the gay community, but for mixed race couples, and every other marginalized group in America. Whether you are straight, gay, black, white, male, female, or any shape, size, color, and orientation in between, you should care deeply and passionately about this issue and this decision.

In Turner vs. Safley, SCOTUS stated that there are four attributes of marriage common to all Americans. These attributes are:

.     Expression of emotional support and public commitment;

.     Spiritual significance, and for some the exercise of a religious faith;

.     The expectation that for most, the marriage will be consummated; and

.     The receipt of tangible benefits, including government benefits and property rights.

Note that there is nothing in there about sexual orientation or preference, race or ethinicity, or gender.  I hope that SCOTUS keeps this in mind when rendering their decision later today.

On Internships and Privilege

For my graduate program, I am required to find an internship and complete a certain number of internship hours.  While I am not against the idea of requiring something like this in order to put the skills gained from the program to use in a real-world situation, I do have problems with internships in general, especially those that are unpaid.

In this country, we generally have a belief that college is accessible to everyone.  Granted, not everyone can get into Yale, Harvard, Stanford, etc.  In fact, some people might have to go to community college before a four-year because they aren’t academically prepared for a four-year institution right after high school. Generally, though, if someone is willing to put in the time and effort, we believe that they can eventually earn a college degree.

I would also argue that there’s also a skewed perception that since students from economically disadvantaged backgrounds are somehow more likely to get scholarships or other kind of aid, it is easier for them to go to college.  Statistically, those students are more likely to be from underrepresented minority groups and are first-generation college students (students who are the first in their families to attend college or earn a BA/BS).

Given these assumptions, employers are able to comb the job market in search of employees that have earned a college degree.  In this time of sluggish economic growth and stagnant employment, employers can be even more selective when hiring. 

I am lucky.  I graduated from college in 2009 and entered a job market that was absolute crap.  However, I got a job that gave me real-world experience in a field that I was incredibly interested in.  I worked a full-time job with a salary and benefits for my one-year contract and then got a job immediately afterwards working on a political campaign.  Thanks to these experiences, I have been able to leverage a lot of connections I’ve made into new job opportunities.

Here’s where I run into problems.  Many students were not and are not as fortunate as I was.  I have heard from many people that employers are more and more often asking for applicants who are just graduating from college to have internships.  A college degree alone simply isn’t enough any more.

I understand that it’s a competitive job market.  In fact, I think that it’s good to have a competitive job market.  However, I think that access to internship opportunities is not something that is readily available to all students.  As an undergrad, I worked a part-time job during the school year to cover room and board and took a full course load.  During the summer, I moved back to my parents’ house so that I could work 35-40 hours a week at a just-above-minimum wage job and save money to cover expenses during the year.  I also maxed out the federal financial aid that I was able to get.

If I had needed to find an internship in order to become competitive in the job market, I would not have been able to do it.  I had no car and relied on public transportation during the school year.  My schedule was pretty much 9:30-6 Monday through Friday with a few breaks during the day, most of which I spent studying.  I also often had commitments on the weekends for work that would have conflicted with any internship.  On top of that, the few times that I looked for internships, I could only find unpaid positions.

This is not a unique story.  Even now, after I have a Bachelor’s degree and am halfway done with my Master’s, I am struggling to find an internship that isn’t unpaid.  Competition for local internships is fierce and anything offering compensation is even more so.  At this point, I can’t afford to move for an internship that will only last through the summer.  I have a car, which means that I can commute to an internship, but additional expenses come with that (gas, insurance, repairs, etc).  If I were to get an offer for an internship that would require me to relocate, I could not afford to pay two rents, two sets of utilities, and the cost of moving unless the internship offers fairly substantial compensation.

I understand that many organizations cannot afford to pay for interns.  The economy is lean and many companies struggle to find ways to pay the staff they currently have.  For those companies, I think it’s fine to have unpaid intern positions, but the internships need to be flexible enough to accommodate the needs of the intern.  These internships should cater to the intern rather than to the company or organization. 

Employers also need to understand that the students who can afford to take unpaid intern positions are not going to come from some of the most diverse backgrounds that higher education has to offer. 

Low-income and first-generation students often don’t know what the potential benefits are of having an internship or are unable to take one due to other obligations outside of school.  Students who are academically strong, but must work in order to continue their education are also unlikely to be able to take an internship.

Many students that can afford to be interns will be business students or upper-middle class students who have grown up with a certain amount of financial privilege.  These students haven’t necessarily had it easy.  However, they have the luxury of having enough resources to afford to get that kind of work experience.  I n my admittedly limited experience, all of the people that I knew who did internships in college were white, upper-middle class, local (grew up near the school they attended), and had extremely supportive parents that were willing to help them offset the costs.  In two cases, their parents provided them with a car so they could get to and from their internships.

So where does that leave students like me?  What does this mean for the future of industry and diversity in the workplace?  Even though people have access to a degree, are we still creating a discrepancy between society’s “haves” and “have-nots”?  These questions should all be looked at and discussed at length by employers and higher education institutions alike.  We need to make sure that we are not only creating a system that minimizes inherent inequalities, but also valuing the experiences and perspectives that the diverse student population in this country brings to the workforce.