Panic attacks aren’t funny. In fact, panic attacks can be downright terrifying. Seriously, if you’ve never had one, it’s not like those times when you momentarily freak out about losing your phone for about 30 seconds and then find it wedged between your couch cushions. Panic attacks are Seriously Not Fun.
Imagine this: suddenly you can’t seem to take a full breath, your heart starts pounding in your ears. You wonder, “Am I having a heart attack at the age of 25?” Then your eyes start to slightly blur and your brain starts telling you that you are about 2 seconds away from dying. Now make that feeling last for 5 minutes in real time, but about 2 years inside of your head. You can’t think, you can’t even effectively communicate to someone near you that anything weird is going on. Everyone around you continues to function normally, but you just want to run to the bathroom and throw up. Of course, that’s assuming that you can remember where the bathroom is and how to get there.
That, my friends, is just one variation on a theme. Not all panic attacks are like that, but that’s how mine feel. The worst part is that these panic attacks can be triggered by anything. Seriously, anything. One day I was going for a quick walk outside of my office to stretch my legs. I started thinking about how nice the weather was and how spring was just around the corner. That’s when I saw it: DeathFluff. You know what I’m talking about. Every spring that fluffy cotton stuff invades the air, choking the life out of anyone with even the slightest hint at allergies. As soon as I saw that first speck of DeathFluff, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wondered if it was a sudden allergy attack or if something else was happening. Then I started to lose my balance and had to sit on a conveniently located curb. Of course, I almost fell over trying to get down to the ground, but I’m sure I only looked like I was mildly intoxicated rather than dealing with a panic attack.
You see, I had realized that I hadn’t taken the usual amount of antihistamines that morning before work. I had overslept a bit and dashed out of my apartment like a mini whirlwind. Unfortunately, that meant that the teeniest, tiniest bit of DeathFluff caused me to completely lose it. Yes, I have allergies. Bad allergies. Like, bad enough that I am supposed to carry an inhaler around during most of spring and summer so that when it triggers an asthma attack I can manage it without passing out from oxygen deprivation. However, this tiny bit of DeathFluff was absolutely not enough to trigger an allergy attack and, really, I was in no danger of having a massive allergy attack at that moment.
Logically, I knew all of this. Panic attacks, however, do not care about logic. Panic attacks are like little toddlers lurking in your subconscious. “No, honey. You can’t play with the stove because it’s hot and it will burn you.” Cue tiny human outrage and about 20 minutes of screaming and kicking while laying in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Thankfully, I was able to handle it and get back to the office before the end of my lunch break, albeit a little wobbly-kneed and pale.
It bothers me how people that have never dealt with anything like a legitimate panic attack seem to think that they aren’t a “big deal” or that they are as easy to “cure” as just “toughing it out”. Yes, I have actually heard all of these explanations from people.
Anyhow, my point is that if anyone out there tries to say that panic attacks are “nothing” or that you should be able to just “get over” them has no idea what they are talking about. Also, if you are dealing with anxiety disorders or depression or any other kind of mental illness, you aren’t alone. Also, if you don’t struggle with any of these conditions, don’t try to act like you know what it’s like unless you have actually done your due diligence and read up on what it’s actually like. As someone that has struggled with panic and anxiety for much of my life, I find it terribly tragic when people who have never had to deal with these things pass judgement on those of us that are struggling with daily anxiety.
It’s not something one can simply will away. It’s not something one can just “get over”. It’s not even a condition where there’s a magic pill that will somehow make things all better. Many people, myself included, need to go through multiple medications before they find one that actually works for them. Also, since the medication is helping to balance out individual brain chemistry, it can take 4-6 weeks for someone to actually see any kind of effect on their anxiety or depression. To put this in perspective, it took me almost a year to find the right combination of medications to bring my anxiety to manageable levels.
Okay, getting off my soap box now. Just had to throw this out into the internet abyss. For anyone that has happened across this post, hopefully it has either helped you deal with your own anxiety issues, put some of this into perspective, or at least has caused you to pause and think.
