Doomed to Repeat it...

I can't believe I'm writing about this again. It's like people never learn.

Dear white people,

If you want to know why people of color are so angry about a lack of representation, let me ask you to consider a hypothetical : 

Your great-great-many-times-great grandparents came to the United States from Ireland. They were poor and struggled valiantly to find work and provide for their large family. When her husband died in a factory accident, your grandmother was forced to move herself and her six kids into a single bedroom apartment where she could barely make ends meet (and sometimes didn't). She ended up taking any work that came her way because she was told repeatedly that "Irish need not apply" for any of the jobs that she was otherwise qualified for. She worked hard to provide a good life for her kids, two of whom died as a result of malnutrition and disease, one of whom died as a result of gang violence in her Irish immigrant neighborhood where the police refused to patrol at night. 

Eventually, she finally found a job at a grocery store that was willing to hire an Irish immigrant. She made a little money and was able to take care of her children who all went on to have families of their own. Everyone lived happily ever after. 

Now picture casting Jackie Chan as your hypothetical great-great-many-times-great grandfather (complete with terrible Irish accent) and Halle Berry as your grandmother. Each of your grandparents offspring are played by young children from Ethiopia and the Congo except for the youngest one that dies very early on from a fever and only has three lines. That kid is white (maybe even of Irish descent, but probably not).

That mental shock that you had? That bit of "that would be so stupid" reaction in your head? Welcome to what people of color get to do every time a movie comes out where their stories are appropriated by white people. Think about that next time you go to the movie theatres. Maybe then you'll appreciate why none of us POC's are there with you. 

No love, 

Me

On being "Colorblind"

I hate it when people tell me that they wish that other people would be "colorblind". First of all, it's almost always a white person mentioning it. Secondly, it's almost always coming from someone that has not faced discrimination before due to their ethnic heritage or color of their skin.

I'm not going to claim that a white person can't understand what it's like to experience discrimination. I'm absolutely certain that they can. After all, a poor white person certainly doesn't have the same mobility and access as a wealthy white person in our society. However, what this concept of "colorblindness" fails to do is acknowledge the full range of experiences that formed someone into who they are today. 

For many people of color, whether they like it or not, their ethnic heritage is often central to their lived experience. It's constantly mentioned or pointed out to them. They are always aware of it. It's no different than someone that is used to always being told that they should be interested in sports because they are male or that girls should like pink. As a woman, I realize that it's "weird" to many people that I love sports. If I were a male, however, it would simply be expected. These assumptions are everywhere in society and we need to learn to acknowledge that they exist or we will never be able to move forward.

I have a friend who has often said that they can never forget to use their indicator light when driving because the police might pull them over (they have beautiful dark brown skin inherited from their Hispanic/Latino parents). We always laugh when he says that because there's enough sad truth in the statement that it's believable. There would never be a question of wrongdoing if he were white and didn't use a turn signal. After all, white skin is more likely to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. Brown skin isn't.

I have never heard a white friend say, "I gotta make sure to use my blinker or else I might get pulled over." The only friends I have that say that are people of color.

So what? Why does this matter? People make silly jokes like this all the time, right? The more important question to ask is why do my friends that happen to be POC make these jokes to begin with and my white friends don't?

The truth is that society treats people of color differently. This is something that pretty much every POC is very well aware of from a very young age. I was made aware of it when people would make fun of me for my "slanty eyes". There's no more reason to make fun of someone for that than to make fun of someone for having blond hair, but people do it anyway. 

Growing up, people assumed a lot of things about me. I was told that I didn't need any extra help in math class because I'm Asian (by the way, I needed a lot of help because I really suck at math). It was assumed that I would be able to get into any college I wanted to because I'm a minority, not because of my own abilities, intelligence, or merit. The idea was always that something would be made "easier" for me somehow because I'm a minority. However, whenever I excelled at something that didn't fit the box that they had put me into, they would suddenly focus on a different aspect of my heritage or identity. If I did well in athletics, I'd hear people say, "Oh, you're good at sports because your dad is white" (I kid you not, this was literally said to me). When I did well on an exam, I was told that I was "so Asian." I did well at a track meet once (and I really do mean once, as in a single time. I was awful at pretty much every track event I tried) and was told that it was easier for me to do well because the equipment for girls was lighter than for the boys. Nothing I did was because of the hard work I put into doing a good job, it was all attributed to my genetic makeup.

So now we look at the adult I've become. If someone treats me as if I've never had someone tease me for the shape of my eyes or had my ethnic heritage called into question, it seems like they would be ignoring a pretty important aspect of who I am, right? I mean, we are all a product of our past. Ignoring something that has had such an impact on forming me into who I am seems like you'd be missing a pretty big aspect of, well, ME. 

We exercise a form of "non-colorblindness" every day. We realize that sometimes we shouldn't say things too sarcastically around certain friends because they are very sensitive. We avoid certain topics that we know bring up bad memories or associations for friends and family. We compromise on what movies we watch because we realize that not everyone is into horror/romcom/insert genre here movies. Sometimes we stop making short jokes around people because we know that they are particularly self conscious of their height. All of these things acknowledge that people are NOT all the same. People are NOT coming from identical backgrounds. People are NOT entities that we can view and act upon in a vacuum.

Acknowledging race should not be viewed negatively any more than acknowledging height, weight, hair color, gender, or any other part of someone.

So can we please stop aspiring to be "colorblind"? Instead can we aspire to be someone that sees everything? Let's try to be the opposite of colorblind. Let's be colorful. Let's rejoice and celebrate our differences and embrace how these differences have worked to create such a dynamic and thriving group of people. Let's get excited by our differences rather than trying to ignore them. Let's ask one another to talk about things that other people in the group have never experienced, seek out new information, and truly revel in the diversity around us.

Come on, people. Get colorful.

Late to the Party

Maybe this is my privilege speaking (which is entirely possible), but I don't really understand why people are upset about the influx of suburban white women that have come forward in the past week to stand up against our cheeto-colored President and his cabinet of fruit loops.

Does it suck that these white women weren't there to support women of color when unarmed young black men were (and still are) shot and killed by law enforcement? Of course. Is it horrible that they weren't standing up for their Muslim brothers and sisters when the idea of a Muslim registry was brought up? Definitely. Is it incomprehensible that these women never seemed to speak up when a white man running for President called Mexican immigrants rapists and murderers? Absolutely.

My question is this: how do we move forward?

I don't see anything wrong with pointing out that the middle class suburban white women of America are awfully late to the party, but shouldn't we embrace the fact that they showed up to the party at all? I mean, yes, minority women have been talking until we are blue in the face about the current system and its inequalities, but better late than never, right?

I understand, intellectually, that there is a lot of pain and a lot of bitterness among women of color because these privileged women had the luxury of coming late to the party and ended up getting more recognition for it than the years that minority women have put into this fight. It hurts when someone that you feel should support you stays silent. It hurts when they don't speak up in your defense or when they turn a blind eye to what's happening in front of them. It hurts to realize that someone who said they love and support you in private is unwilling to say those same words in public. It hurts and white women need to understand that they have hurt their minority sisters with their silence and inaction, but is getting mad at them once they realize that they made a mistake the way to build bridges and mend the relationship?

Frankly, the burden of speaking up for civil rights has always been something that has fallen most heavily on people of color and minorities. It's awful and it shouldn't be that way, but it is. Maybe that will change one day. Hopefully that will change one day. Unfortunately, that day isn't today.

We know that today isn't that day because that day should have been yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. Women of all backgrounds should have stood in solidarity from the very beginning of this mess, but they didn't.

Okay, so maybe I do understand why women of color have been so upset about the recent addition of support from white women. However, there's more to it than that.

I'm the oldest child in my family and I'll be the first to tell you that one of my least favorite phrases to hear emerge from my parents' mouths when I was little was, "Be the bigger person." I used to think, "Or maybe my little brother could just stop being a stupid person and then I wouldn't need to be the bigger person." After all, if he hadn't been annoying to begin with, I wouldn't have to make up for his immaturity, right? Well, yes, but that wasn't going to change things. The reality is that he had done something to annoy me and I either had to move forward or sit and be angry forever. The irony of the second option is that by holding onto my annoyance or anger, I would have been doing the same thing that my brother did: acting immature and petty.

Honestly, I still hate being told that I need to be the bigger person. I really, really do. Even as an adult my first thought is that I shouldn't have to be the bigger person, they should have to pay better attention and be more aware. Unfortunately, as true as that may be, it still doesn't change what has happened. I can either acknowledge it and use it as a tool for education or I can focus on the pain that it caused and try to get back at whoever caused it by lashing out so that they feel hurt the same way that I do. Only one of these options is constructive.

This doesn't mean that we have to ignore that white women didn't show up until well after kickoff (forgive me for using so many analogies and metaphors). In fact, I think that they absolutely need to be told by women of color that they are kinda crappy teammates. After all, it's pretty selfish, not to mention incredibly unfair, to let your team start with a man down and expect them to keep the game close until you get there. To take this even further, if you show up late and your teammates have been playing an uneven game, you shouldn't be surprised if they are upset at you. In fact, you should expect it. You should also expect that when you get there, they will already be tired from having to make up for your absence. You win or lose as a team and you've just put your team at a distinct disadvantage just by not being on time.

But in order to win, you need to play as a team. When the final whistle blows, it doesn't matter who showed up when. The only thing that matters is the final score. That's the objective, right? We need to make sure that we win. Period.

So be mad at the latecomers. Give them grief for slacking and not paying attention. Then get back to the business of winning because this is not something that we can afford to lose. This is the World Cup, the Championship, End Game. It's fine to be angry and upset, just don't lose sight of the goal. After all, this is a game that we cannot afford to lose because if we lose, everyone loses.