It started harmlessly enough. I don't "swipe right" on people very often, but figured that I might as well give this guy a chance. He seemed fit, had a job, and attended Yale (I would have preferred that he had a public education, but I wasn't going to split hairs over it). He was smiling in his profile pictures, showed a variety of activities, and they weren't all selfies. I asked multiple people, including my roommate who I trust intrinsically with these things, and they all said that there were no red flags when they looked at the profile. One coworker even said that she thought he was very cute and she was excited to hear how things went.
We decided to meet up on Friday after work. The guy first suggested that we meet up at 5:30. I explained that I don't generally get home until 5:30 because I bus to work (that's a lie: I usually don't leave work until 6 or 6:30, sometimes later because my job should really be done by 1.5 people, but I didn't want to come across as a workaholic).
At this point I was a little annoyed. I had already told him that I bus to work. This whole message seemed off and, frankly, a little annoying. If I wanted to come straight from work, I would. Also, there wasn't anything in his profile that made me want to come running to his arms. In fact, if I had been asked to rate his profile, I'd say he was middle-of-the-pack.
But maybe this was just a case of me reading too much into a simple text message. He could have been trying to be helpful rather than annoying, right? Perhaps he was simply trying to clumsily express enthusiasm for our impending date. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Eventually I proposed meeting up at 7:30.
But maybe this was just a case of me reading too much into a simple text message. He could have been trying to be helpful rather than annoying, right? Perhaps he was simply trying to clumsily express enthusiasm for our impending date. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Eventually I proposed meeting up at 7:30.
I looked at this guys profile again. He's from India, so maybe this weird vibe I was getting was just a language barrier issue. It's difficult to get your meaning across if you're speaking a second or third language. Plus, people have told me to be less judge-y. I turned off the warning alarms in my head and told myself that I should give him a chance. After all, once I saw him face-to-face things could be completely different. Some people just suck at communicating via text/email.
By some miracle, I arrived early. Like, SUPER early. This is not a thing that I generally do. Note the time stamp:
My thought process: He's probably on his way here. Maybe he's driving and didn't really read my text. Don't judge him too harshly. First dates are always a little bit awkward.
Eventually we connected and ordered drinks. We each paid for our own beverages, which is something that I don't really take issue with. I feel like it's common enough for people to need to go on a lot of first dates with people and I don't think that it should be assumed that one party or the other should automatically pay. However, after this guy started talking I had to admit that I really wish that he had paid for my drink. With the garbage coming out of his mouth, I should have been compensated in SOME way.
We both mentioned different athletic activities and how drinking would be less advisable for some activities than others. Rock climbing? Yeah, probably not a great idea to pre-game. Horseback riding? Depends on the type of riding I suppose.
Date: I worked with horses before. There were a lot of people that would take a shot before getting on a horse.
Me: That seems like it could be a very Bad Idea, depending on what kind of riding you were doing.
Date: Well, most of the people where I worked were doing dressage.
Me: [blank stare] I have no idea what that is.
Date: Really? Oh, just you wait. I'll have to educate you on it at some point.
I really should have just run away at this point, but of course I didn't. I just kept telling myself not to judge him too harshly and to keep an open mind. After all, he was probably surrounded by richie riches at Yale who did ridiculously expensive activities like horseback riding on the weekends or whatever, right?
We sat. Things. Got. Worse.
I'll sum up some of the topics covered:
On taxes:
Date: Any logical, rational person would be against paying taxes. No one wants to pay taxes. Do you like paying taxes?
Me: Uh, yes. I don't like being surrounded by idiots, so I enjoy paying taxes to support public education. And I don't want my house to burn down, so I like paying firemen. And I want someone to respond when I call 9-1-1, so I want to pay for cops to help me if I'm assaulted somewhere.
Date: Well you're an exception. And your taxes go to a lot of other things. Like, I don't have kids. Why should I pay for someone else's kids to go to school? I worked really hard and put myself through Yale. Anyone can do that if they work hard enough.
Me: So you aren't surrounded by stupid people? So you have an educated workforce from which to hire people?
Date: Anyone can get an education if they are willing to work for it. I worked my ass off and got myself into Yale.
On systematic oppression:
Date: If you are truly driven to succeed, you will be able to do it. It doesn't matter what obstacles you face. If I have learned one thing it's that anyone can succeed if they work hard enough at it.
Me: Yeah, no. That kind of 'pull yourself up by your own bootstraps' argument isn't reality.
Date: I did it. My mom worked for 80 cents a day in India. I worked incredibly hard and got into Yale. I took out $175k in student loans and paid it back with 9% interest because I was driven to succeed. Anyone can do it.
Me: But you are one out of thousands of people that are trying to succeed. You can't believe that it's solely a matter of effort. There are thousands of people just like you that are doing everything that they can to be successful and they haven't had the same luck you have.
Date: Did you know there's only a 7% acceptance rate at Yale? Of course not everyone can get in, but if you work hard enough you will be successful. I did.
Me: You seem to be missing the point I'm trying to make. I don't doubt that you worked incredibly hard and against very long odds to get to where you are. However, you can't think that there aren't people out there willing to work just as hard as you do, but things just don't work out for them.
Date: No, if you work hard enough anything is possible. If I can do it, anyone can do it.
On the foster system:
Me: But what about the people who aren't set up to succeed early on? Take, for example, kids in the foster system. They didn't choose to be in a situation where their biological parents were unable to care for them. They are at such a distinct disadvantage and the state doesn't have the resources to take care of their needs in order to allow them to be successful.
Date: Look, why should it be my responsibility to take care of someone else's kids? There are people out there who are having five or six kids and then letting the state take care of them. Those people should be put in jail.
Me: In jail. You're joking.
Date: No, they should. Stupid people should not be allowed to have kids. Why should I have to pay to take care of their kids when they are too lazy to do it?
Me: They aren't too lazy. Also, you aren't paying to raise their kids. Do you realize just how under-funded the foster care system is? These often severely traumatized kids need so many resources just to bring them to a place where they are on par with their peers. Your solution to this is to sterilize the parents? What does that do? And how does that help the kids who are already in the system?
Date: I grew up eating rice and salt for two meals a day and I worked hard and put myself through Yale. The government takes care of kids in the foster system. I didn't have that. My mom made 80 cents a day. Now me and my brothers send money back to help take care of her. They [foster kids] can go to school and the state takes care of them. If they work hard enough, they can be successful.
Me: No, we really don't. Washington State doesn't have an income tax and you were just telling me how no reasonable person would want to pay taxes.
On drug addiction:
Date: Why should I pay more money for someone else's bad choices?On employment:
Me: You think that drug addiction is a choice?
Date: Yes.
Me: Wow. That is the most impressive display of complete ignorance that I've seen in a long time. You have absolutely zero understanding of any of the root causes or continuing issues surrounding the problem of addiction.
Date: Hey, I've had friends addicted to things. I've done a lot of reading on it.
Me: But clearly learned nothing from any of the reading you've allegedly done. Good job, analytics boy. [Note: he works in data analytics for a major telecom company]
Date: You know, I was unemployed for a full year and the only thing that kept me going was my savings. I had $400,000 saved up and just used the interest from my savings to pay for what I needed.
Me: Well, you're very lucky that you had that option.
Date: I worked really hard for it.
Me: I'm sure you did, but you are also very lucky that you are in a position where that's possible. Most people I know just have to look for whatever job they can find to make ends meet, me included.
Date: Hey, all else equal, if you and I were to go for a job, you would get it.
Me: What? Why?
Date: You're a woman. I've seen it happen. If there are two people that are up for a position it goes to the minority every time.
Me: OMG. I honestly don't even know where to start on this.
At one point, my date asked me, "So what do you think? How are you feeling about how things are going?"
My response: "You're an asshole."
[slight pause] "I guess I can see why you might think that, from your perspective."
[slight pause] "I guess I can see why you might think that, from your perspective."
I've literally known white supremacists with more compassion and empathy than this guy showed during our date. It was a complete disaster. I lost count of how many times he mentioned that he attended Yale. Did you know that Yale only accepts 7% of applicants? I didn't catch that tidbit the first six times he mentioned it, but I got it on the seventh.
My one regret: I should have actually asked him "Are you a sociopath?" If he said "no," I would have said, "That's exactly what a sociopath would say." If he said "yes," I would have said, "Well at least you're honest. I can respect that."
To add further insult here, he literally told me that he thinks that I have "the right kind of mind" to be able to converse about these sophisticated topics, but that I need the right training. Basically, "You're almost there, but not quite." I don't think that I've ever met someone more arrogant, condescending, and laughably naive in my life.
To add further insult here, he literally told me that he thinks that I have "the right kind of mind" to be able to converse about these sophisticated topics, but that I need the right training. Basically, "You're almost there, but not quite." I don't think that I've ever met someone more arrogant, condescending, and laughably naive in my life.
No more dates for me. Ever. Never ever ever.
The cherry on top:
Kill me please.
Update (two days later): He's still texting me.
No comments:
Post a Comment