Golfing on Father's Day

This is a story from my childhood as told to me by my father:

One year for Father's Day my dad wanted to go out and hit a bucket of balls.  He wanted to try to get me interested in the sport, so he brought me along and left my baby brother at home with my mother.  Since it was Father's Day, the place was full and there weren't many spots open, but we managed to find one.  I sat on the nearby bench and watched while my father happily set up his golf ball on the tee.

I'm not sure how much any of you know about golf.  I, frankly, know basically nothing about the game. This is something that hasn't changed since I was very small.

My father squinted down the fairway and set his feet. He looked down his club and took a slow practice swing.  As soon as he finished with his follow-through, he heard me call out from the bench, "You missed it, Dad!" The father next to him snickered.

My father kindly took the next few seconds to explain that before you actually swing at the ball, you practice your swing to make sure you're doing what you want to be doing.  My small self nodded sagely while my father stepped up to the green and took another practice swing.

"Missed it again, Dad!"

This time more than one nearby father attempted to hide their laughter while my father politely explained what was happening once again.  Unfortunately, children don't really know the difference between an "inside" voice and an "outside" voice, nor do they typically understand why it might be unwise to simply blurt out everything they think so that an entire golfing range might hear them.

"Oh! I get it.  Every time you miss the ball it's called a practice swing!"

By now, none of the dads could keep it together any more and they started guffawing so loud that my dad couldn't help but look around and shake his head. Thankfully, he didn't feel the need for any more practice swings, so he stepped right up to the tee and took his swing--only to have the ball go right into the grass about three feet in front of him.

Yup. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to take your daughter to the golfing range.

Softball Shenanigans

Here's another "did that really happen" moment from my life:
In elementary school, I played softball. Sports was one of the only ways that I got social interaction because, frankly, I was the "weird kid" that was always reading books in the corner. However, this is one of my favorite incredibly non-PC moments from my childhood.

I typically started each softball game as the pitcher.  It wasn't that I was particularly GOOD so much as I was the best that they had for the time being.  One of the other girls on the team actually eventually went on to play softball in college.  Anyhow, after I played a few innings on the mound, I would inevitably get moved into the outfield for the rest of the game.  It makes sense: you get to play the more interesting infield for half the game and everyone has to take their turn in the outfield looking for four leafed clovers and making daisy chain necklaces.

One of the issues that I had was that my coach would routinely play me in whatever outfield position happened to be facing the sun.  It was awful. Not only could I not figure out where the ball was if it got hit to me, but I was squinting so hard some days that I started to get wrinkled brows before entering 6th grade.  One day I mentioned this to my coach:

“Coach, why do you always put me in the outfield position facing the sun?  I don’t like it.”

“Well, it’s easier for you to play that position than the other girls.”
“I don’t get it.”
“The other girls need to squint when they face the sun.  You’re already naturally squinting.”

Unbeknownst to my younger self, my father (also the team's assistant coach) had overheard this conversation and was torn between abandoning the two or three girls he was working with to come to my defense or to let me handle things on my own. Fortunately, I made the decision easy for him.

"Oh, okay, coach. That makes sense."

To my 10-year-old self, this argument did make perfect sense.  Growing up, I knew that I looked different from the other people around me. I knew that my Asian mother had squinty eyes and that my white father had big eyes and was as aware of it as I was aware that my father was very tall and my mother was very short (okay, not very short, but when you compare anyone to a 6'4" father, they are always going to seem "very short").

Yup. I actually said that. All I could think about as I sauntered over to my outfield position was, "Ha. I am genetically superior." I swear to God that's what I thought. Sometimes kids are just too smart for their own good. Clearly there were times that I was. You may now commence with the facepalm.

Lessons from my Mother

In honor of Mother's Day, I have decided to make a list of things that my mother has taught me:

1. "Nothing is ever as bad as you think it's going to be (unless you are traveling alone with two crying children, in which case it will be worse. Much, much worse)."

2. "I know that person just made you angry, but they might be trying to get to a family member at the hospital or might be distracted because their cat/dog died. Give them the benefit of the doubt."

3. My mother was not put on this planet to make my life miserable.  Even if I don't understand the reasons behind why she did something, I can trust that she always had my best interests at heart (took me 16 years to learn this one!)

4. Sometimes a strategically placed rude comment to the right audience can totally break the ice.

5. Learning music is really good for the soul, even though you often want to throw your trumpet across the room or run it over with a semi truck.

6. "You will thank me for this later" is annoying to hear, but totally true.

7. There is no problem so big that it cannot be remedied by eating pie.

8. Mom knows everything. EVERYTHING. Don't event think about trying to keep anything secret from her. She. Will. Know.

9. The ability to make fun of yourself is a necessary life skill.

10. "Remember: it could always be worse. At least you don't have cancer." Translation: stop whining and go do something proactive.

11. Life is scary, but you can handle it.

12. There is nothing quite as amazing as a phone call with my mother after I've done something stupid.

13. Mom hugs are the best. (So are dad hugs.)

14. Growing up and becoming more like your parents really isn't as horrible as your high school self thought it would be.

15. No matter how bad you screw up, Mom will have a snarky comment to make and somehow it always helps you feel less terrible.

More Online Dating Shenanigans

I reactivated my online dating profile so that I could rate two of my friends as five stars. Within 48 hours, I had received 35 messages and 99 profile views.  These are some of the highlights:

Today's winner (name has been removed because....I'm not sure why, but I felt like I should):

Dear Arizona

To all of the folks in AZ that support the recently-passed anti-GBLT bill: proponents of this bill say that this defends religious freedom. This bill would allow them to deny access to persons in the GBLT community to businesses if somehow someone else's sexual preference violates the business owners religious beliefs.  I want to know where this discrimination stops.  I worry about this not just because I'm an ally to the GBLT community, but because this has personal ramifications for me if legislation like this becomes the norm.

In my albeit short life, I have encountered people that still believe that it's immoral for people of different races or ethnicities to get married. As a result of a mixed-race marriage, bills like this could one day allow someone to deny me access to businesses simply because of who and what I am. Taking this a step further, what if it is against someone's religious beliefs for a woman to go into a store by herself? Or against someone's beliefs to allow women and men to take classes together?

Let's spin this a different way: If we were to create legislation that required everyone to shave their head because a small segment of the population believes that you need to have a shaved head in order to be morally clean enough to go out in public, these same people that support the anti-GBLT bill would be up in arms, calling for revolution.

While I don't agree with these philosophies or beliefs, I don't think that it should be illegal for someone to have them. However, I do have a problem with someone legislating their beliefs so that people that do not hold the same set of religious values must abide by them. I support people's right to believe in whatever they want to believe, but I think it is wrong for them to force other people to live by their religious rules.

I devoutly hope that one day we as a nation create legislation that expands the rights and freedoms of others rather than denying access to people that are different.  This country has the potential to be so much more than it is, but the narrow-minded beliefs of a small, but powerful, segment of the population is holding us back.  This country would not have the innovative spirit and drive without the incredible variety of people and experiences that are brought to the table.  It is my dream that one day we will embrace this diversity and become an example for the rest of the world to follow rather than regressing and giving in to the few that desire for our society to become nothing more than herd animals, blindly following a few powerful individuals.

Online Dating Revisited

So I haven't checked my online dating profile for about four months. Today I got a new notification that someone had sent me a message. This seemed odd to me since I had originally thought that I had deactivated my account AND I remembered changing my status to "in a relationship."  Anyhow, apparently this is what I've been missing:

You know you’re hosed when…

I've been slowly gathering these thoughts over the course of a few years and thought it was amusing enough to post somewhere.  All of these things have been inspired by something I or one of my friends has done or experienced. Enjoy!

You know you're in trouble when...

…you hope that chewing mint gum and wearing your lucky socks were enough to tip the balance and get you a passing grade on your final.

…for a two-hour test, you decide to answer all the questions you know first, then go back and do the rest only to realize that you’ve answered all the questions you know the answers to in 15 minutes.

…the only job offer you get in six months of job hunting is an offer to have a special showcase once a week at a strip club.

…you look at your bank statement and realize that, thanks to the insane amount of student loan debt you have, you will probably be able to afford a down payment on a house at around age 50.

…you realize that your younger sibling has a significant other, a job, a good apartment with low rent, and a high school degree while you have no significant other, no job, a mediocre apartment with stupidly high rent, a Bachelor’s degree, and your student loan debt is more than the value of your parents house.

…the bank calls and the person on the other end laughs at you for applying for a credit card.

…the only food in your cupboard is mac and cheese, ramen, and pasta because you can’t afford to buy real food.

…you put “don’t fail out of grad school” at the top of your to-do list.

…going on dates is the only way you can think to meet new people.

…getting married becomes more a question of financial stability than love.

…the only thing your professor writes at the top of your paper is “WTF?”

…you realize that you have applied for nearly two hundred jobs and have only had three interviews.

…the biggest accomplishment of your day is doing a load of laundry.

…you take your computer into the store for repairs and the person helping you says, “I’ve never seen that before.”

…you get excited about getting a call from a fast food restaurant for a 10-hour a week, minimum wage job even though you have a college degree.

…the judge says, “I don’t like you,” in open court.

…the best part of your day is that it’s finally over.

…after ten weeks, you still don’t know what this stinkin’ class was about.

…you are less confident about your job prospects after getting a Master’s degree than when you got your BA.

…your roommates and friends take bets on how long it will be until you get blackmailed into proposing to your significant other.

…you made so little money last year that the state starts sending you notices about services that they strongly suggest you take advantage of (like low-cost phone service).

…the prospect of working in the adult entertainment industry looks more and more appealing with every passing day because none of the jobs you actually want will pay enough to cover your expenses.

…online dating becomes your go-to when you don’t have enough money for dinner.

…tearing apart your room for new or like-new items to give to friends for their birthday is a regular occurrence.

…you offer to be the designated driver when people go out because paying for gas is cheaper than paying for drinks all night.

…working on school assignments at the bar seems like a very good idea.

…guilt and relaxation are closely related activities in your head.

…you have to decide between filling up your car with gas, purchasing groceries, getting your prescription refilled, or paying your utility bill.

…student loan payments cost twice as much as your rent.

Fitting In

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. We have opposing views on the show The Big Bang Theory.  She feels that the show pokes fun at geek culture from a position of power and privilege: the people who have always picked on the geeks of the world are continuing to pick on the geeks of the world.  I feel like it’s a sadly accurate portrayal of some aspects of geek culture: the characters are stereotypes (duh), but they are stereotypes for a reason (i.e. those guys exist within geek culture).

I believe that part of this difference in opinion comes from how both of us fit into and identify with geek culture.  We were both socially awkward growing up, and, truthfully, we are both still pretty awkward, but we’ve learned how to live with this affliction.  She works in community development and outreach for a tech company.  She also has an incredibly impressive creative streak that she puts to good use as an author, former HR person for a geek/nerd convention, and online video personality. She, at least compared to me, is a social media guru and has connections all over the geek/nerd community through her work and through personal networking. In fact, I’d guess that most, if not all, of her friends are somehow connected to geek or nerd culture in our area. From my personal perspective, she has managed to fit into the culture and I frequently hear from people in the community regarding her awesomeness. 

I am not like her when it comes to geek and nerd culture. I’m only marginally creative (and that isn’t a bad thing for someone who has little or no artistic ambitions) and my career goals are closely related to social policy, politics, and social justice.  While this ambition and geek culture is by no means mutually exclusive, sometimes they have strongly divergent tendencies.  For example, my focus on minorities and economic equity often means that I focus on issues that many of the often well-off software developers and engineers involved in geek and nerd culture has no interest in or have little empathy for.  This isn’t to say that they are bad people.  They are probably perfectly fine individuals, they just don’t have the same set of values that I do.  Unfortunately, that means that many of my perspectives and opinions are either about issues that these folks can’t relate to or concern to issues that they don’t care about.

So what does any of this have to do with the title of this post: Fitting In?  I mentioned to my friend that I like The Big Bang Theory because I feel like it’s, in many ways, an accurate portrayal of geek culture.  Of course, it’s also a very inaccurate portrayal in other respects, but the writers don’t claim that the show is the be-all end-all of geek culture (at least not that I’ve heard).  In her opinion, the writers are focusing on negative stereotypes about geeks and nerds: social awkwardness, inability to understand nonverbal communications or pick up on basic social cues, lack of physical fitness or attractiveness, childlike obsessions, and some twisted feeling of superiority to “normal” (which is really just a nice way of saying “stupid”) people.  I agree that these traits are certainly not exclusive to geeks or nerds.  I also agree that many nerds or geeks are completely different than the stereotypes in the show and would be just as annoyed with the behavior of the characters as anyone else.

My admittedly limited experience with self-proclaimed geeks and nerds has left me feeling like an outsider within the geek/nerd community. My favorite episode of BBT is the one where Penny introduces the guys to her latest boyfriend, Zack.  He isn’t particularly intelligent, but he is fairly genuine and seems to make an honest effort to get to know the guys.  During one of the initial interactions between Zack and the rest of the guys, the geeks make fun of Zack’s lack of scientific knowledge and eventually make fun of him to the point where he leaves the room.  Penny then points out that, “for guys who always got picked on growing up, you sure can be a bunch of bullies. Shame on all of you.” Call me crazy, but this line sums up geek culture to me.

I have literally been told that I shouldn’t be somewhere or participate in a particular discussion because I wasn’t enough of a geek or nerd.  A recent example was using a football analogy (American Football, not European Football) when explaining part of a Star Trek episode to a small group of people. Not thinking of the audience I was with, two of the guys looked at me with the blank, uncomprehending stares of people who have absolutely no reference point to draw a comparison to what I was talking about. I attempted to clarify my point by making a political analogy, but they also had no idea who and what I was talking about.  Frustrated, they ended up telling me that I shouldn’t even bother talking about Star Trek with people because I obviously wasn’t a real fan.  Apparently sports, politics, and science fiction are mutually exclusive topics.

If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you’ll know that I was frequently singled out or picked on growing up.  I developed a rather vicious strain of sarcasm and a mildly toxic distrust of others as emotional armor to combat my isolation and loneliness.  As I’ve grown up, I have attempted to mitigate my tendency to jump straight to sarcasm (with mixed results).  Now, I make an effort to include people and I find it outrageous that so many self-proclaimed geeks/nerds that I run into don’t feel the same way or even make a passing effort to include others. 

For those guys (and girls) that struggle with a history of bullying, verbal and emotional abuse from peers, and other kinds of isolation and exclusion due to their passions, activities, and knowledge of random and archaic topics, I get it.  You know what it’s like to be torn down for not being “good enough” or “smart enough” or “cool enough” to do something.  Sure, it might be satisfying initially to tell someone that they aren’t as “good/smart/cool” as you are, but doing so ultimately continues the terrible cycle of abuse and bullying that you experienced growing up.

My parents frequently told me to “be the bigger person” as I was growing up.  I try to keep that in mind every time I am tempted to act superior to other people.   Sometimes I fail miserably, but it’s a work in progress.  I ask you all to also try to expand your group of friends and make an honest effort to include people, regardless of their geekery or level of nerdiness, and stop the cycle of harassment and abuse.  Teach people to love science fiction rather than giving them more reasons to dislike those of us that are passionate about it.

Taxes and Tuition

For FY 2010, the amount for state and local taxes per capita for Washington State was $4,011.

This is where the taxes come from:
Retail Sales/Use Tax: 45.3%
Selective Sales Taxes: 7.1%
B&O Tax: 21.1%
Property: 12.5%
Real Estate: 2.7%
Utility Taxes: 2.5%
All other state taxes: 15.9%

This is the distribution of those taxes once the state receives them:
Human Services: 37%
Higher Education: 7.8%
Government Operations: 2.6%
Natural Resources: .9%
Debt Service/Other: 7.5%
Public Schools: 44.2%

That means that if you paid $4,011 in state taxes, this is where your money went:

My Point:
I have heard this too many times:
"I've been a taxpayer for 20 years. There's no reason for tuition to be that high when I've paid into the system!"

Let's assume that this person is an average tax payer and paid the $4,011 in taxes every single year for 20 years, with the same allocation of funding in the state budget. Squishy math and oversimplified logic notwithstanding, that still means that they would have only put $6,257.20 into public colleges and universities in this state. That's over the entire 20 years they claim to have paid taxes. Seriously. These people are just saying, "I've put in just over $6 grand into public education over the past twenty years/roughly $300 annually. Why do I have to pay such high tuition for my kid?"

I am SO over people claiming that they think that public universities are charging such high tuition rates when they don't stop to think about how little they actually pay towards keeping those same institutions of learning open and operational.

In the early 1990's, the state contributed more than $9,000 per student to public research institutions. By 2011, that number had dropped to less than $6,000 per student. During that same time period, the tuition revenue at public research institutions went from just under $2,000 to just over $5,000. Note that taxes that went towards benefitting college students dropped by roughly $3,000 and the cost of tuition went up...by roughly $3,000.

Conclusion:
There are a number of options that I suggest are worth pursuing:

1. Stop complaining about tuition and instead support an increase in state taxes
2. For those parents that are able, start setting money aside for college now because it's going to really suck when your kids finally reach college age
3. Stop blaming public colleges and universities and instead let the state legislature know that higher education funding needs to become a top priority for the state

Sources:

A Citizen's Guide to the Washington State Budget 2013

Current Higher EducationFunding Structure and State Funding Cycles