You know you’re hosed when…

I've been slowly gathering these thoughts over the course of a few years and thought it was amusing enough to post somewhere.  All of these things have been inspired by something I or one of my friends has done or experienced. Enjoy!

You know you're in trouble when...

…you hope that chewing mint gum and wearing your lucky socks were enough to tip the balance and get you a passing grade on your final.

…for a two-hour test, you decide to answer all the questions you know first, then go back and do the rest only to realize that you’ve answered all the questions you know the answers to in 15 minutes.

…the only job offer you get in six months of job hunting is an offer to have a special showcase once a week at a strip club.

…you look at your bank statement and realize that, thanks to the insane amount of student loan debt you have, you will probably be able to afford a down payment on a house at around age 50.

…you realize that your younger sibling has a significant other, a job, a good apartment with low rent, and a high school degree while you have no significant other, no job, a mediocre apartment with stupidly high rent, a Bachelor’s degree, and your student loan debt is more than the value of your parents house.

…the bank calls and the person on the other end laughs at you for applying for a credit card.

…the only food in your cupboard is mac and cheese, ramen, and pasta because you can’t afford to buy real food.

…you put “don’t fail out of grad school” at the top of your to-do list.

…going on dates is the only way you can think to meet new people.

…getting married becomes more a question of financial stability than love.

…the only thing your professor writes at the top of your paper is “WTF?”

…you realize that you have applied for nearly two hundred jobs and have only had three interviews.

…the biggest accomplishment of your day is doing a load of laundry.

…you take your computer into the store for repairs and the person helping you says, “I’ve never seen that before.”

…you get excited about getting a call from a fast food restaurant for a 10-hour a week, minimum wage job even though you have a college degree.

…the judge says, “I don’t like you,” in open court.

…the best part of your day is that it’s finally over.

…after ten weeks, you still don’t know what this stinkin’ class was about.

…you are less confident about your job prospects after getting a Master’s degree than when you got your BA.

…your roommates and friends take bets on how long it will be until you get blackmailed into proposing to your significant other.

…you made so little money last year that the state starts sending you notices about services that they strongly suggest you take advantage of (like low-cost phone service).

…the prospect of working in the adult entertainment industry looks more and more appealing with every passing day because none of the jobs you actually want will pay enough to cover your expenses.

…online dating becomes your go-to when you don’t have enough money for dinner.

…tearing apart your room for new or like-new items to give to friends for their birthday is a regular occurrence.

…you offer to be the designated driver when people go out because paying for gas is cheaper than paying for drinks all night.

…working on school assignments at the bar seems like a very good idea.

…guilt and relaxation are closely related activities in your head.

…you have to decide between filling up your car with gas, purchasing groceries, getting your prescription refilled, or paying your utility bill.

…student loan payments cost twice as much as your rent.