Strays

I pick up strays like stereotypical high school jocks pick up cheerleaders.  This has been happening for years, but I have no idea why.  I never intend to pick up a new stray, it just happens. 

Once I was driving from my parents’ house on the east side of the state back here to the west side of the state. Normally I do the entire 5-ish hour drive straight through without stopping, but this time I actually had to pull over at a rest stop to go to the bathroom.  Knew I shouldn’t have had that extra hot chocolate. 

As I emerged from the surprisingly not-stinky restroom, I heard a mewling coming from a box near the door.  I discovered that some jerk had left two tiny kittens in that box with no food or water and one dirty towel.  I waited around for about 20 minutes, but no one else came to the rest stop.  Not wanting to just leave them, I packed them into my car and dealt with 2 crying kittens for the next three and a half hours. 

I eventually learned that River and Zoe were only about 6 weeks old, a full two weeks too young to be away from their mother.  They were fostered out to a volunteer at the humane society and were eventually adopted.

Also, my ability for find strays is not limited to animals. 

Every time I take the ferry, I find a stray.  The first time this happened, I met Mary.  Mary was a very nice old lady from Georgia (although she pronounced it with a distinct drawl rather than my rather clipped Yankee accent).   During this hour-long ferry ride, I got to hear about her whole family.  I’m not kidding. She started with when her family came through Ellis Island and didn’t stop until I learned about Uncle Lloyd and Cousin Greta and her dear grandmother’s jewelry collection.

Ferry, take two: I was working on some origami cranes that I was planning on donating to a veteran’s hospital.  This young girl, I would guess she was in middle school, kept trying to surreptitiously look at what I was doing over the back of her chair.  Since she seemed to be so interested in what I was doing, I began a new string of cranes and gave them to her.  As she grinned shyly at me, her grandmother told me that I had made both of their days.  They had missed the last ferry because the grandmother’s chemo had gone a little longer than usual.  They had just received news that the cancer had spread to two different parts of the body and the prognosis was not good.  The grandmother told me that this was the best thing to happen to them in a long time and that this was the first time she had seen her granddaughter smile in about a month.  Needless to say, I made the grandmother a string of cranes, too.

This brings me to today.  I caught the bus so that I could run some errands between classes.  As I was getting off the bus, an older man asked if I would help him cross the street.  He walked with both a cane and a guide stick for blind people.  As he walked with me across the street, he began telling me all about his life.  His name is Roy and he served in Vietnam.  When he got back to the US, he got hit by a car and had a double compound fracture in his left leg, but after the doctor put two rods in it and used 32 stitches, he was fine.  In fact, he was up and walking on it in a matter of weeks.  Oh, and, by the way, I have a very youthful voice.  Roy is 70, although people tell him he doesn’t look a day over 60, so everyone has a youthful voice to his ears.  Was I going to the grocery store? No? Well, he was going to the Apple Store because his family got him a special retina computer that can enlarge and highlight text to the point where he can read it, so he’s going to take a class at the Apple Store.

I learned all of this in the less than ten minutes I was walking him to the store (hey, I wasn’t about to let a 70-year-old blind man wander around trying to find the dang store when it only took me a few extra minutes to make sure he got there safely.  I’m a terrible person, but not THAT terrible).

So there you have it.  My strays.  Not all of them, mind you, but some of the standouts.  I swear I live the strangest life.

I love being single on Valentine's Day!

I effing love Valentine’s Day.  I’m not even joking.  It’s my favorite holiday when I’m single. 

When I’m in a relationship, I could go either way on V-Day.  The traditional dinner, flowers, movie, date, or whatever is fine, but I don’t feel that there needs to be a special holiday created just so that you can get a special date.  However, I do like doing things for my significant other on that day.  I think it’s nice to treat people to something special, but I also don’t limit myself to surprising my S.O. only on Valentine’s Day. 

I’m one of those people who likes to use gifts, usually small ones, to let people know that I’m thinking of them.  I used to buy one of my former boyfriends athletic shirts every once in awhile because he was constantly getting overheated in the summer and wearing the lightweight fabric made him feel a little less like he was dying.  It really didn’t matter the occasion.  I bought them if I saw they were on sale or if I went to Goodwill and happened to find one in his size.  I like to think that he appreciated the gesture and I’ve seen him wearing some of the shirts after we broke up (yes, we are still friends).

Back to Valentine’s Day.  I love being single on Valentine’s Day.  Love, love, love, LOVE being single.  It’s the one day of the year where a single person has absolutely zero social obligations.  Think about it: since you’re single, no one expects anything of you.  You could be happy or sad.  You are allowed to go out and party like it’s 1999 or sit at home in your pj’s watching bad romance movies and eating an entire gallon of ice cream.  No one cares what you are doing.  All the folks that are coupled up get so caught up in the whole holiday that they rarely think about their single friends beyond, “Oh, they probably won’t be doing anything special for Valentine’s Day.”

How many other times during the year can you honestly say that you can do whatever you want (within reason) and no one will think that you’re acting inappropriately?  How about your birthday?  Correct answer: Nope.  You are expected to do SOMETHING to celebrate, even if it’s intentionally sitting at home and doing nothing.  You’re doing nothing for your birthday. Not because you just don’t feel like doing anything because this nothing is different. This is birthday nothing. (Now say that last sentence to yourself as if you’re yelling, “This is Sparta!”  It makes the entire thing more epic.) Also, on your birthday, you are expected to play nice with others.  Oh, sure, you don’t have to invite people you don’t like to your celebration, whatever that ends up being, but say a relative sends you a terrible birthday gift.  What then?  You got it: you still smile and thank them while simultaneously trying to figure out how soon you can chuck it in the nearest garbage receptacle.  See? Social obligation.

How about other holidays?  I sincerely hope that I don’t need to elaborate the kinds of social obligations that come with Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Passover, Easter, Halloween, New Year’s, MLK Day, 4^th of July, Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving, Mother’s/Father’s Day, et cetera.  Pretty much every holiday comes with certain norms and expectations.

That is why I feel that every single person should view Valentine’s Day as a special gift that only comes along once a year, courtesy of Hallmark, Hershey’s chocolates, and American consumerism. 

As a single person, you are given a “get out of jail free” card that allows you to behave as well or badly as you want without significant consequences.  If you want to take the “oh, woe is me” route, you can quietly implode while watching trashy movies and eating ice cream until you’re sick. If that happens, everyone will just think, “Aw, that’s too bad. They were so upset about not having someone special (unlike me because I am in a happy relationship) that they had a minor meltdown. Tsk tsk.” 

If you go a different direction and decide to go out and party like the world is ending, that is also an accepted way of coping with the dreadful shame of single-ness (single-dom?  Single-hood?).  You party, maybe make some poor choices, and almost always regret it the next day (don’t lie, you do too almost always regret it).  What do people think of that kind of self-destructive behavior? “It’s so sad that they did that, but who can blame them?  They weren’t thinking straight. It’s too bad that they don’t have someone in their life like me and my wonderful hubby-wubby muffy-face.  If they had someone, maybe they wouldn’t make such poor choices.“

No matter how you approach this as a single person, you come out ahead:

1. You save money (potentially)
2.  You get to be totally selfish and do whatever you want without having to consider other people
3. Like your married friends, you can look forward to eventually sharing your life with that special someone, but until then, you get to be as juvenile as you want to be
4. If you are still set on wanting to invest in the trappings of this holiday, you can buy flowers for yourself (and they will always be the flowers that you want) and a treat like chocolate (and all of the chocolates will be the ones that you like)
5. There are no expectations to live up to

Actually, #5 is an important one.  Think about those poor saps stuck on a date with a new relationship on Valentine’s Day.  How on earth do you celebrate?  On one hand, you could go all-out and hire a pilot to take you on a private jet to some fancy-pants restaurant and watch the sunset as you share dessert and then go out and make love under the stars.  Of course, would such a grand gesture set the tone for the rest of the relationship?  Realistically, for most people V-Day is less important than Anniversaries, birthdays, etc.  Will you now have to do something outrageous and expensive every time there’s a holiday?  How are you going to top something like that?

Then there are those folks who run in the opposite direction: they do nothing for Valentine’s Day or treat it just like any other day.  How might that set the tone for the future of this relationship?  In particular, how might that throw a wrench into things if one person wants something special while the other one wants to pretend that the holiday doesn't exist?  Ideally, it wouldn’t affect the long-term viability of the relationship in any meaningful way, but think about the kinds of social pressures that couples face on this holiday.  If you were to tell someone that you have been dating someone for two months and you aren’t planning anything special for Valentine’s Day, you can be sure that they will judge you, one way or the other.

Now picture someone asking you if you have plans for Valentine’s Day when you’re single.  You say you’re single and nine out of ten times what is their answer? I’m not sure about you, but most of the time when I tell people that I’m going to be single on Valentine’s Day, they express sympathy and then quickly drop the subject.  However, when I had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, I was always expected to have plans.  If nothing else, I knew that I would be expected to be with him that evening rather than doing anything else or spending time with other people.

I suck at dating

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m terrible at dating.  No, really.  I was talking with a friend last night that suffers from the same malady.  Only, for him it manifests itself as a slew of mediocre dates that end with the awkward thought of, So how do I tell them I’m not interested in them romantically, but think they are a cool person?  For me, as you have probably concluded, it’s partly because somehow I manage to find people that look fine on paper (or computer screen), but we end up being totally unsuited for each other by the end of date 1. 

The other thing that I have come to realize about this is that even if I do end up clicking with someone, I don’t really know what to do next.  For example, I’ve been on a handful of dates with a guy that I think has great potential.  Sadly, our schedules have been really incompatible this past week or so and we haven’t been able to get together.  This means that pretty much our only mode of communication is electronic in nature (text, e-mail, etc). 

Unfortunately, text and electronic correspondence can only get you so far.  I have wanted to ask him about what he is thinking with regards to this, but am not sure how to bring it up.  It just seems so uncouth to bring it up in a text.  I’m not sure what the next step even is. 

I’ve been told that I’m prone to overthinking things.  I do not wish to contest this allegation.  Especially now that I realize how accurate a description it is.  I’ve been pondering things for a few days and notice a trend: I’m ridiculous.  For example, I will send a text to him.  He will respond a few hours later.  No biggie. I usually text him back right away.  This is partly because I always have my phone on me, I’m a grad student and, therefore, have lots of open time with which to text, and partly because I check my phone constantly as it serves as both my watch and the way that I keep track of my tutoring appointments with students.

I understand that he works and is probably not able to text much during the workday.  I also understand that he has a life outside of work and that he is probably not as dependent on his phone as I am (although maybe this just means that I need to buy a watch and a paper calendar/planner).  Despite all of this knowledge and understanding, a part of me wonders, does this mean that he isn’t as into me as I’m into him?

Crazy, I know.  Illogical at the very least.  I must confess that I am surprised at myself.  I usually don’t get so caught up this quickly.  After all, I’ve only been on three dates with this guy and he isn’t very good at the communication thing.  A part of me thinks that I’m jumping into this a little too quickly, that I’m just happy that I finally went on a good date with a hot guy.  Yet there’s another part of me (the part that’s currently winning) that just wants so badly for him to get butterflies in his stomach when he thinks of me.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had butterflies like this, but I like it and I don’t want it to go away.

Couches revisited

I've been asked to keep you updated with the Ugly Couch Award Nominations.  Today there have been a number of submissions, but these are the couches that I will declare the daily winners:

The "I'm Not Just Vintage, I'm Ancient" award:

The "That's a Lot of Plaid" award:

The "I'm Not Sure Why But This Couch is Really Creepy" award:

The "WTF?" award:

The "Can't Sleep, Couch Will Eat Me" award:

I'm actually a little sad at the thought of ending my couch hunt.  It's so dang amusing!

Ugly couches abound!

I am in the market for a new couch.  Not just any couch, but The Couch.  The Couch is big and comfy, but most importantly it is cheap.  While perusing craigslist, I have come across a few possibilities, but no clear winners.  However, I have discovered some that I would like to nominate for the Ugly Couch Award. 

Couches like this were completely expected:

Ugly, yes, but not completely appalling.  I was even ready for ugly floral patterns like this:

These next few couches, however, were unexpectedly awful.  And that's saying a lot for someone who lived in a dorm all four years of college.

This first couch looks like it should be in the living room of some crazy old lady with fifty cats.  The truly horrific thing is that someone is asking for $50 to take it off his or her hands.  Talk about insanity.

This excellent specimen is going for $100.  I have no idea what to say about this monstrosity except that whomever went through a bad modern art phase probably got seriously ripped off while some savvy designer laughed all the way to the bank.

This couch just screamed…something. I'm not really sure how to even describe this gargantuan terror.  Not only is the color awful, but there is that weird pattern on it and it looks all lumpy.  Maybe you could find this in an old run-down retirement home?  I dunno.

I’m now debating whether or not I should be looking for a couch or if I should simply look through the furniture for incredibly ugly pieces so that I can share them with all of you.  Does anyone else want to start an ugly furniture contest on here? Thoughts?

Edit: I have discovered my new favorite couch.  Not only is it plaid, but it has the absolute best ad ever (see below):

"You know you want this Fancy Couch, look at how beautiful it is! It's strong back and shapely curves, you know what you want to do with that. Curl up with a nice Harry Potter audiobook and some hot cocoa, Boom! That's what makes this couch Fancy. And you can experience that fanciness for $25! 

This couch is modular too! With the super fancy piece of wood in-between the cushions and the springs to give you a customized feel! You can remove it for a serious night of lounge gaming, or leave it in for some comfortable spooning action with that special someone (purely speculation only!). That makes this couch a transformer, a Fancy Transformer Couch! two couches in one...seriously more than meets the eye!"